What Really Matters.

Whether you close your eyes or think too hard, go for a walk or take time for yourself and figure out about the next step in your life. One thing we all know deep down which is 100% true, is that if we, ourselves aren’t happy from within, aren’t happy with our lives or work and also really proud of it, then nothing else really matters.

It’s rare to find someone now days who is entirely content with what they have and what they have achieved. Honestly, it’s somewhat cynical and very pessimistic to keep on searching for things that make you happy or keep complaining about the stuff in your life that others really would be grateful for. And being the overly optimistic, cheery person that I am, I don’t really like such people. My mother always says if you are negative about everything then you have lost half of the battle already. I totally agree.

But I have reached an age now where I really need to decide what I really want with my life. My four year university course is almost over and I am still direction-less. Like a thin piece of paper floating on the sea,bouncing up and down with the waves.

I know what I want, but inside I keep thinking, doubting and questioning- what if I lose interest with that too? What if it’s too much of a hard work? What if that isn’t my passion after all? What if it doesn’t make me happy?

I know everything requires hard work. And I admire people who say everybody can do anything if you give your 100% and get your head into it. Just for some it will be easier than others…but not impossible. My father is one those people. Very hard-working, very intelligent, very talented. So obviously he hopes I give my 100% too.

I on the other hand, believe hard-work comes naturally when you are following your passion; when you LOVE what you do. And we have reached that generation, that part of the world where everyone is following their dream, where finally it’s somehow easier to reach towards your goal. And I cry a little inside every time when months and years keep passing by and I still haven’t started what I really want.

I am struggling in my college. Struggling to get the grades I really should get, trying to hide it from my lovely parents because I can’t let them down again and again. Struggling to figure out what to do next, which college to apply for further studies with my stupid grades. It’s so difficult. And yet if you met me now, I will be my usual cheery, happy go lucky, very relaxed self.

I don’t stress easily, neither do I over-think every situation, but late at night when I can’t sleep (which leads to my brain conjuring thousands of doubts) or while browsing my friends Facebook profile who are living their lives or reading some very inspiring story or article to follow your goals, my inner self, which is already chipping from the sides, gets incredibly gloomy and confused. All I can think of then is to cry my eyes out.

And that’s when I realize (every time) that nothing else matters more in this life, than to make ourselves happy. Really happy. From within. And proud of who we are and how our life shaped up.

Honestly, what could be better than that?

Don’t get me wrong. I am partly happy. I have amazing parents, a best friend for a sister, grateful friends. But I know deep down I let them down regularly by not working hard enough or by wasting time. And how can I make them happy when I am not myself? When I, myself, am not completely satisfied with the way my career path is shaping up.

The one thing I have in abundance which keeps me going is my hope and my optimistic nature. Everyone gets somewhere in life. I will too. I just need to start working hard. Really hard. And then finally I can follow my passion. Hopefully it is what I think it is.

Not everyone gets where they wish to go. Some do. And some realize later on that the career they stumbled upon is actually made for them.

So I know mine will come too.

Till then good luck to all of you. And hope your lives turn up great if not exactly how you wanted it.

Until next time.xx

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